


Would you stay, as you are lying there?

by peanutbutterandbananasandwichs



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 18:05:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4029544
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peanutbutterandbananasandwichs/pseuds/peanutbutterandbananasandwichs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Sam/Madison slight AU, wherein Sam and Madison get to spend one last night together, even though the outcome is still the same.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Would you stay, as you are lying there?

**Author's Note:**

> Not a songfic, but loosely based on the lyrics to the song Howl by Laura Marling
> 
> Beautiful artwork by the fabulous beelikej on LiveJournal - see the original art post [here](http://beelikej.livejournal.com/500048.html)

Madison had always loved the sunrise. Once, when she was a girl, she’d snuck out of her bedroom window and clambered up onto the roof, stretched out like a lazy cat and soaked in the symphony of dawn.

It feels different now. Lying awake, but with eyes closed against the warm pink glow that encroaches upon the room. She can feel it upon her bare skin, light, warm fingertips caressing and setting her nerves tingling. It should be welcoming. But she finds the urge to pull the covers up over, shielding her exposed flesh from the unwelcome intrusion. Maybe she can keep the dawn out, exist forever in the safety and the comfort of the dark.

\--

Sam’s hands are at her waist, thumbs rub lightly over her stomach as his fingers dig firmly into her back, lifting her slightly and lowering her to the bed. Madison reaches a hand up to hook her slender fingertips at the nape of his neck, pulling him down onto her until his lips are inches from her own, before wending her hand deep into his hair and using the leverage to pull herself up to close the gap. Pressing every inch of herself against every inch of him she can find. Lips meeting in hungry, open mouthed kisses. Sam swallowing the tiny whimper she lets out as his hands slide up under her shirt, ghosting along her sides, but letting his fingernails drag smoothly against her skin.

\--

She knows she can’t stay, can’t keep the sunrise out, no matter how hard she begs. She might as well make the most of it. Her eyelids flutter open, the light is now closer to the crisp, clear light of morning, but it’s still flecked with hints of orange, yellow and pale pink. There’s still time. She turns her attention to the warm heavy weight pillowed upon her stomach. The tousled hair, still slightly sweat damp and clinging to Sam’s forehead. His right arm encircles her waist, his fingers splayed protective and possessive across her lower rib cage. She can feel his breath puffing lightly across her bellybutton. The light from the window is playing upon his hair, catching the halo of tiny stray hairs that encircle his face. She can feel her reserve failing. She tucks a loose lock carefully back behind his ear. Maybe he could stay like this, frozen in time, caught in this moment of calm and never have to face the morning.

\--

They cling to eachother. Not as they had before, with the desperation and relief of realised longing; but as people drowning, trying to keep the other afloat. As those who know that when the contact is lost it may never be made again. Sam’s chest presses up against her back holding her to him with his right arm, keeping her close and grounded, like she might bolt, flee, slip through his fingers like smoke at any moment. Madison turns back to look at him, her lips parting as light gasps escape her lungs as he moves within her. Their eyes lock, and for a moment it looks like Sam’s going to say something, his eyes shining and wide with want and pleasure and something else, something just out of reach. But she gives the smallest shake of her head. No words. Not now. She feels something warm and wet sliding down her face and, in shame, she turns away once more, bringing her hands up to swipe at the offending tears. Before she can do so Sam’s fingers are scooting up her chest to hook under her chin, tilting her face tenderly back towards his own, lips press to cheeks and chin and jaw, following the trails of tears as they slip across the contours of her features. A tear escapes his ministrations and she feels it splash lightly onto her shoulder. Sam follows it down, burying the tip of his nose into the crook of her neck. Suddenly she can feel Sam’s chest shuddering against her back and there’s dampness blossoming at her shoulder, rain trickling down her scapula and she realises he’s crying now too. Sam lifts his head and starts to mouth haphazardly at her skin. Madison can just make out the breathy litany that escapes his heaving chest with every press of lips to skin, as if he hopes he can print the words into her, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

\--

Madison glances up, tearing her eyes reluctantly away from Sam’s peaceful, sleeping form, away from the dreamworld. She gingerly slips out from under Sam’s body, sliding a pillow under his head. Standing at the window, peeking through the curtain and watching with baited breath as the sun climbs the last few feet. The last few grains of sand trickling through the hourglass. The sun reaches the summit and it’s like a punch to the gut. All of a sudden it’s like a dam has broken and the terror has set in. She’s going to die. Oh god. She’s going to die. The sob that escapes feels like it’s torn from her, ripping through her body and shredding her insides. Her fingernails grip tight to the windowsill as she can feel her legs threatening to give out below her. Another sob swells in her chest and she tries to muffle it, pressing her lips to her shoulder. Just let him sleep a little longer. Just….. Arms wrap around her middle.

\--

Madison’s fingers grip tight to Sam’s shoulders, her thumbs digging in just above his collarbone. They’re both close to the edge now. The intensity of the pressure building inside her, of the weight of knowledge deep in the pit of her stomach that this is the last time she’ll ever do this, war with eachother within her, blinding pleasure and deafening roaring terror conspire to bring forth a sound more akin to a wail than a moan, a frightened, animal screech bordering on the edge of bliss. Madison’s eyes squeeze shut.

\--

Sam’s left hand leaves her waist and his deft fingers rank gently through her hair. Standing stock still, Madison finds herself rooted the the spot; perhaps she’s dead already and rigor mortis has already begun to set in. She’s suddenly startlingly aware of the heavy weight gripped tight in her left hand. She doesn’t remember picking the gun off the bedside table. She turns in his arms and the fingers in her hair fall away. She catches the hand midway through it’s decent pressing the cold metal desperately into it’s grasp. Sam’s breath hitches and she feels him falter for an instant, eyes meet and the fear’s falling away now, replaced by something deeper and darker and made of iron. Her lips part and the urge to say something, anything overwhelms her. Sam looks like he’s struggling to get his throat to work too, his lips mouthing half formed syllables. She gives the smallest shake of her head. Not now. Let it stay like this; a fleeting and forgotten dream that will fade with passing of days. Words make things solid; let them be smoke not stone. Sam’s finger is at the trigger now, she half expects to see it slip and tremble, but he’s steady as a rock. That boy’s a solider, she thinks and a solider’s hands don’t quiver. God but he doesn’t want to be, she can see it in his eyes, he doesn’t want to be the kind of person who’s body doesn’t quake with the dread of it. She guides his hand to her temple, her own hands shaking enough for both of them. Neither bothers to hide their tears anymore. He presses a kiss to her forehead and she clutches desperately at the hairs at the base of his neck. He pulls back and she catches his eye, making sure he see’s the incline of her head, the final confirmation. Madison senses the change in atmosphere as his finger puts pressure on the trigger. “I would have loved you”. God Sam. Not now. Not now. “I know.” Her eyes squeeze shut.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Sarah for proof reading for me xx


End file.
